I am up unreasonably late. often.

(disclaimer: this post may need a disclaimer.)


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One thing is certain.
When I see something is due on my calendar I can count on pulling a very late night the night before.
if not an entire one.

This is because. even if I am in perfectly good shape with producing everything. my body will go into college mode.

and stay up all night as if there is a French test and sculpture critique on the same day.




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Did I ever mention on here that a girl passed out in our sculpture critique once and sent a rolling trashcan flying. we all just considered that a normal and probable reaction. considering ...

I mean. we were running on Sour Patch Kids and bottled Starbucks Fraps. and zero sleep. 

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but college mode is happening in the next few weeks (months). feels like exam time. for adults. 

that makes me even cooler walkin around in the real world with scissors in my purse and glue in my hair.

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I am looking around my room right now and I sort of want to throw up at the amount of piles I see.

there are framing orders in the corner. 

new fabric finds that I just washed and left in a pile...because I have nowhere to put any of it yet.

And. in a sort of danger zone. there's a pile of sewing needles are not on a pin cushion. I am a rebel without a cause. 

And I am BLASTING the most amazing Pandora Radio channel right now. 

Do not be afraid of the Whole New World station.

You will also get a lot of Wicked and Rent. 

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It is dumb late. 

as in- after midnight when the hours shrink to 15 minutes only and pass so quickly that I wish I was recording myself.
 to see how I am able to possibly lose all that time.

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My point in writing anything right now- at this obscene hour- is to be realistic. And to document what the heck it feels like to be up. finishing things that are due. 

Being an artist means you feel things intensely.
like. so intensely you need to do something about it.

That's pretty dangerous. 

That's like running around with grenades...
mine would be filled with glitter but. yeah. sorry. obvious I know.

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the best way to sum up my current state of mind:

i love so many things and feel so many ways.

like I said- 

Dangerous.


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(right now Little Mermaid is playing. I have to laugh so hard because I am loving this and also thinking. WHAT. IS. MY. LIFE?!!!) 

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and once I made this appropriate drawing. which very much applies.












so,
in conclusion:

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 my mouth is pissed because I have eaten 3213 salt and vinegar chips.
which I might add, I found a love for about 2 years ago. and I am eating them in inordinate amounts to make up for lost time.

Sue me.

I HAVE PRIORITIES PEOPLE!




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WHERE HAS THE DAY GONE.

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I know a thousand million people feel me on this one. 

And inappropriately, I have been looking for a place to draw this hat for some time now. 

I, for one, think it is hilarious. 

I am part delusional. Part professional. 

part a lot of things. 

more later on my adventures of late night designing.painting.teaching.thinking.sewing.

but

today was fast. very fast....

sneaky I see.


Two can play at this.

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even by yourself

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I just got really confused and thought it was Thanksgiving.

So I'm rolling with that. 

IM THANKFUL, PEOPLE.
not to be confused with - I'm completely without hardship.

I feel many ways. at once.




right now while I am in love with art. and thrilled with how things are going.
I am overwhelmed. in a very manageable way that requires some sacrifices. but WHAT DOESN'T?

...things that don't matter.

so sign me up for things that are difficult.


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"I just never felt so fantastically rocky in my entire life."
-J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey


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Here's something:

I currently have work for sale in a local coffee shop. and per usual, I will drop the joke that -- you may have heard of the place. or I will just wear a green apron and get you to guess my costume. or I may tell you that when you leave here your hair smells like you stood in a coffee pot. and then stepped out 3 seconds ago. 

Just me?

I am not complaining. I am addicted to/love that place.

We even went there on Christmas morning. 

Me and my sistahs.

the one driving is in a self-imposed elf costume. what's your family like?

we were piled up sleepy-eyed at the top of the stairs and
the door to her room opened.
there she was. cracking up. with my new nephew.
also in a small baby elf costume.

AND THAT. IF DESCRIBED IN ONE MOMENT. WAS MY HOLIDAY.


.................


my holiday felt like this.

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and if I could have room for another moment/ I will make room.

I will say that my three year old nephew sat on my lap for part of the Christmas Eve service.
and I love him so much.
peaceful, still times like that are priceless. he whispered- "it's baby Jesus"


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He also drew pictures with an orange crayon that show signs of a strong artistic instinct.

He is precious. and loves to learn.

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his present was this:

incidentally we love similar things. and I just want him to know that whatever he likes. I support.

Yes, I am scared of the realistic snake he carries around. but he assured me. It is not real.

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I want to state for the record that kids are the best. 

After I hung my work at the coffee shop and sat down to do some work,

 a couple little girls flew in the door with their mother chatting the way small children do. so the entire room can hear. and they dont care.
they have things to say.

These little girls ran in the shop and cheered when they saw my work. 

THEY. CHEERED.

I think I just won something. 

My insides tell me this.

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I have some design projects in the works. and those sort of things are always quieter until they exist.

but trust me.

I am learning a lot.

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Here's something else:

I teach painting. and I teach it a lot.

It's good exercise.
It's nice to be painting so often. and to be getting paid to do something that is on my job skills list. also on that list- "works well with cardboard"
and- "runs long distances in costumes"



So while I literally am rehabbing my new ACL from this summer's lovely explosion at first base,


I am also exercising in the studio.

drawing.painting.sculpting.
it becomes more and more second nature when you spend time doing it. and then it becomes more like your first language.

When trying so many new things. It is nice to remember. oh yeah. I paint.



 it makes me a better artist.

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tonight I saw Les Mis....the movie.

and I knew I would cry. so I wore my hoodie.

my dad took me to Les Mis for the first time one Christmas. so I knew what I was in for.

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it reminds me how proud I am of what art does.

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they had me at the powerful opening shots.
and of course.

the story.


the bravery and loss and love.



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and for that, I'm thankful.

I somehow slip by daily doing what I love.


and I continue to find smart and talented people to connect with
work with
learn from


and I dont even have time to be too scared. because amazing people encourage me.

So. Thank you. for following even the littlest part of my artistic pursuit.

Even if it is just for the music. Good grief. yes. i work hard on making sure it is lovely and perfectly fitting. and sometimes I spend an obscene amount of time working on the playlist. So thank you for that. for whatever. 

I hope my story somehow sounds like your story.

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"beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see"

- Les Mis



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go after it. 



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