Fathers Day. is good.

Fathers Day. 

without your dad. 

is different. 

sure, you can choose to be mad. or angry.

but I have seen people choose that.

what a waste.

I am thankful. 

I think about my dad every day, so another reason. sure. I'll take it.

but thankful often also means it's sad. 

and I have said it before. that I believe sad is very close to happy. 

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My dad died. 

and I cannot actually bring myself to say however many years ago. Because. It is always yesterday. 

Every morning. 

it is yesterday that he died. 

And that is not because it is as painful as yesterday.

It is because he is as near as yesterday.

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I love that his grave is far enough away to be a destination. 

A road trip. 

It makes going there, special.

and it makes going there, purposeful. and sweet.

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Everyone has their way of dealing. their way of celebrating. their way of loving. grieving. missing. respecting...

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*

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So this is mine. 

And if you think it's crazy. 

Then maybe one of your favorite closest loved ones has not disappeared yet. 

from standing right next to you. 

because when that happens. 

All rules are off. 

You get to love them however you want. and do whatever makes you feel close to them. 

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HAPPY FATHERS DAY DAD.

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growing up, there was one cassette tape always in my dad's car. Wake Up Little Suzie was on it. 

so it sounds like him. it even smells like him. and looks like him.

I randomly happened to have that song on a CD sitting next to me.

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So. I cranked up Wake Up Little Suzie. 

I mean. Blasted it. in my truck. 

rolled into the cemetery

and sobbed.

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no one was there. 

Which is my favorite.

 _________________________________________________

He loved orange. 

and. 

Yellow.

I left the door open at the top of the hill. set the song on repeat. 

and let it scream through the cemetery.

MY DAD ATE THAT UP.

man. could my dad soak up moments. 

I will always sit with him. in this place.

It is so comforting.

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And simultaneously. 

the most comfortable place in the world. Can tear you apart. 

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but things that tear you apart have a way of making you feel the most 

alive.

 

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and there is a peace that comes with letting go. running to your dad's grave. and lying down. 

right where he was buried. 

right in the grass.

that still looks new.

 staring at the sky.

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and if peace is a bird. 

it would be that one. that one that flew over when I looked up. 

_________________________________________________________

Happy Fathers Day. 

Celebrate a good one. 

look for one. 

_______________________________________________________

like my brother, Joey.

he is a lot like our dad. 

______________________________________________________

pieces of my dad are walkin around everywhere. 

It's a good day. 

Just like every other one. 

can be.

______________________________________________________

To read about my invincible dad. 

Read this post:

On October 8th, 2005 my dad died. That could destroy a person.

It's a good story.