October 24, 2016

You can't do everything.




Recently I was somewhere and a man asked me what kind of art I make. 

He was saying it as a polite thing. 



And against my better judgement I decided to give him the real and thoughtful answer. 
to which he looked over my shoulder diagonally. Meaning off in the distance and completely not invested in the answer. 






I kept it short because I knew what I was doing... talking to the air and myself... but I kept it real because I decided to sink my heels in. 


and commit to it.


and my answer to that question is not very easy so I struggled with it- even to myself. which is hysterical. I think I heard myself say something about rabbits in stripes and gardens and puppets. 










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Sometimes I need to answer that question regardless of anyone listening because it is important to know my own intentions and to keep my priorities straight.

What kind of art DO I make?!

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I feel like so often we are apologetic in our responses. 
and maybe I say that "we" meaning as women we apologize. I do not fully know.

I know when someone asks me something I am aware of their time and I want to respect that and also I hope they like my answer!-  somewhere in the back of my head... I care.


being apologetic
on another level looks like this


"sorry, I am emotional..."


or 


"I just feel a lot...."

etc. 

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Well, I am not sorry. 



I am full blown not at all a single bit sorry. 
Despite the fact that sometimes I apologize even if I don't mean to... and that is conditioning I think. 


As a woman I have so many emotions. 

As a human really. with a beating heart and a brain and a soul. all of it.


as me.


and as an artist I am compelled to explore those feelings. 



and then I am going to apologize for it? 



hell no. 


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I didn't even start off writing about this. I started writing because 
I had a notable discovery. 
But it relates which is good.


I just figured out:


YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL.









at some point, you cannot get it all done.
This was an epiphany.

Currently my life has to be very disciplined because a lot is going on.

and I drop parts.


I am in school to become a sign language interpreter which in itself is a lot.

and major testing is going on right now. The kind that you get a good night sleep before and sit in a waiting room on a couch nervously waiting for your block of time to start. 

The kind that determine real future things. 


And also. I opened a show - October 14- November 11. Hill Gallery. RVA

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I also work heavily with projects that involve the arts and special education. A brilliant place to find yourself. My favorite place really. 

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and I figured it out guys.

YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL.

something will fall.


And that has to be ok. There is no other resolution.
It is because if we could do it all we wouldn't need one another.

We wouldn't be worked to the core where we are exhausted and broken. That my friends is a gift of a place. Get there and then look around. the world is an amazing place when we are broken enough to really see it.

We also wouldn't prioritize or even know our priorities well. It is so important to know these things.


What kind of art do you make?


No seriously. I am asking.


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i love music. almost more than everything.