January 19, 2017

break.



I was silent for the entire month of December. 

I think it was a mix of things.  Some bad. Some good.







quiet.

focus.

act.







Because of my adventure into the world of sign language interpreting, I have been focusing.
Which is great and needed but also that shift is challenging and the boat theoretically leans to one side so there is some new arranging that needs to happen.
I am doing that. 


Lots of things are moving around. in all different parts of my life. And that is uncomfortable.

I am eating my own medicine about how amazing it is to be uncomfortable and taking leaps and how change is woohoo.



I stand by that. I do. I never said it was easy or painless.
I am just trying to listen to myself about it. and not combust.




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The election results. the change in our country's leadership. that silenced me for a bit.
I did not want it to do that...

but I looked away.


I saw things on the TVs in the gym locker room because there are news stations on in there and I realized my facial expressions were uncontrollable. and visible to all.
 so I walk quickly by them now.

Speaking of which. I workout a good amount because I thought-
physically I can do things so I should.
Kind of like... I am training. for what I do not know. But it is probably something great. and I wanted to feel other things. Not just challenging emotions. 

I travel a lot. especially to New York where my niece is. I needed her a lot lately/in my life.
She represents that the world is ok. And promises and happiness and kindness.


and unconditional love.
she's not going anywhere.

She adores. the world. her people. all the good stuff.



I saw a lot of my family in December between traveling and Christmas so that also consumed my attention. Good. 



Sometimes instagram (@goodmorninggoblins ) is easier than anything because it is a picture and I can be done. Also it feels easier when I am not sure what to say and pictures come more easily.

and when there is real turmoil.
I turn to light. and strength. And I found a lot of both there.
in family. and on instagram.

yes on instagram...probably because I follow great people. and when my own life is challenging- I need to see a bigger perspective.
I follow inspiring people. and people who suffer or press onward despite challenge.


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I realize how important what we do is. 

Artists. 


And that is not a limiting title. It is inclusive. 

The arts, they include. 

If there is a feeling of exclusion it is something else entirely.


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Today a student looked up at me and asked with innocent little eyes,




"what is a racist?"




She asked me this in our class of creative expression and exploration. in our class that focuses on empowering one another through learning theater arts skills. and creative problem solving. and dancing. and caring.
it is in the curriculum... formally. the caring part.

it is an inclusive environment. lots of special needs and all special. all needing.

and



I realized that the arts call us to answer questions.
the world does, yes.




and here I was in this place that MATTERED.



Here, I hope I said the right thing. but I am not this child's only teacher. so many people and events will teach her the answer to this question. I only hope I was a part of her learning something important.

I tapped another teacher  sitting next to me so she would hear what I said. I wanted her ears on it too. so that we were both part of this.


I said- it is called being a racist when someone decides things about you just because of how you look or where you are from or how you were born... and they do not look on your inside when they decide things about you.


They do not learn about you.


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I like to think artists are responsible for teaching other people about their own insides.
It is amazing because we think, as artists, that we are speaking about ourselves.
and while we are, human beings are so alike that we cannot peel off the connection to one another. and what we express is also very true about another human being.

in class we teach students how much their feelings and emotions and actions matter.
we talk about how much power there is inside them.



Art does that. It reminds us of the power in ourselves.





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i love music. almost more than everything.