Damn

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and in related things:

It is exhausting to exist in both reality and an alternate universe where making things is real and you feel impassioned to work on making possible into actual. 

Occasionally I will vent about my life and career choice and before I can finish the sentence I end it with- And I am lucky and I know it.

add rainbows and little fairies with glitter wings.

But sometimes I want to leave the happy closing remark off and be mad for a second that I wasnt in love with accounting or wildly attracted to computer programming. 

because those things have health insurance and paid vacation. 

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I am not naive. 

I am not clueless.

I am not irresponsible. 

I am not silly. 

I am not rebellious.

actually yes. Yes I am rebellious. 

Damn my freshman year drawing professor for realizing that. declaring it.
and making me feel like I was sort of awesome because it was somehow working for me. 

and . 

crap. 

it can be hard being a rebel. 

because even we like a little comfort and stability. 

but .... crap. we are stubborn. 

our hearts trump a lot of everything else.

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and by damn him (my professor) I mean. thank you for my cape.
Ive needed it.