Sometimes you have to stare at the ceiling. from the floor. on your back. and cry a little bit.

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this is how I roll normally. totally doing my thing.

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(Enter villain. Real world enters, stage left, and rains on the parade.)

Today.

ew. I was slightly defeated. 

Or actually if I am being totally honest. 

I was all the way defeated. 

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making sure I am doing business correctly and figuring out how to do it all.

despite majorly confusing websites. and forms. and advice. and costs.

when crawling into a job I don't love so much looks semi-inviting right about now.

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And I had a genuine thought that I should go spray paint a billboard- 

DONT. MAJOR. IN. ART.

(maybe have a picture of a 10 for $10 Chef Boyardee can on it.)

Tell people everywhere to pursue a career with a more specific title than

Artist.

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That was today. 

That was today.

But that's not tomorrow.

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Tomorrow I am marching down to city hall. 

Literally. 

And I think for kicks I'm going to wear my business face. and walk my business walk. 

and I am going to find someone who can answer some of my I-dont-know-what-im-doing questions.

See I find myself paralyzed by things I don't know how to do. 

And when I called around for help today I just ran into a lot of 

honey, they shouldn't have sent you heres. 

yes plural.

And I know that I am not alone in any of this. 

It isn't just art, it's whatever you choose to do that's new/overwhelming.

I get that.

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And with art (and I use art as an all encompassing word.)

I am part of this community of believers that are working at scuba shops. cafes. and retail stores in order to pursue a passion. 

Some are in the cube beside you hiding behind their Diet Cokes and Excel Spreadsheets.

There's something really beautiful about connecting with each other. Something awesome about saying ME TOOOOOO. 

So if thats you, Hi. Hi. Hi.

Once, I worked in a restaurant dining room (a restaurant behind a castle in one of the most magical places on earth.. get it? yeah. I did) where a mom told her daughter to 

"ask the trash lady which way the bathroom is."

and you know what I did?  I told her where it was. But also asked if her baby doll needed a high chair so that she could eat and apologized that no one had gotten one for her yet. her eyes were wide. she was silent. and just shook her head yes.

Win.

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So, my friend is an artist. (lots are. go team.) 

and we share stories of 

making it work.

(thanks Tim Gunn for the brilliant battle cry.)

like we both use hotel shampoo. use toothpaste on zits. and may or may not grab an extra creamer at Chik-Fil-A.. you know for later.

and she just told me that when she ran out of her foundation and couldn't afford another for a while, she started crushing some powder she had and mixing it each morning with lotion to make her own. 

That's crazy. 

But we were mad/ cracking up.

Are we martyrs?  NO. heck no. 

It's dumb. It's part of it. 

We're just doing what we think we should be doing. 

And, cliche or not, struggle only connects people. 

makes you work harder. 

makes victory sweeter. 

and like listening to someone talk smack from the other dugout...

 it only makes the other team look stupid. 

It won't always be like this. 

And I know that 

because I'm telling you. 

tomorrow will be different. 

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and this post was going to be about reupholstering dining room chairs!

it will be next though. because. THEY.ARE.GORGEOUS.

and when I was feeling pressured to do other things, designing those chairs was what I needed to do.
and it brightened my home. which is of serious importance.

life's short. do what you have to.