Aint no thing. That monster has been here before.

Whenever you are trying to do something big. 

or do what you feel moved to do.

there are a hundred and five moments of doubt. 

and then four more moments where you think about going backwards. 

or just running.

blindly. 

in an entirely different direction.

I think those are the breaking points. like hurdles.

and some people just stop.

AND I DON'T BLAME THEM.




Because. Sometimes I really want to sit down for a second.

_______________________________

I don't think that I'm awesome because I keep going. 

I think I keep going.

______________________________

I took my knee to the studio this week. 

And.

I just said yes to about 5 projects.

________________________________________________

There is a little bit of progress in committing to projects because once I say yes. They happen.

despite little sleep or fear or whatever monster taps me on the shoulder. 

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

I always remember everything is fine when I start working.



And when my reality is actually


very awesome

That's my leg brace. Next to a taxidermy product.


I mean.


Real life.

___________________________


Oh my gosh if I could just get my hands on the high school senior version of myself. From that day in class when people declared their future occupations.


and some people behind me were like... an artist?


and it shook me up for like four seconds. but no longer than that.


I think you get to feel super affected by other people for a certain amount of time.
and that time should be four seconds.

_______________________________


And

I recently found a paper I wrote on my senior art display in high school.


At the end I said ~

Art has changed my life. In the future I hope to use art to help special kids express themselves and communicate on a different level. I also want to work with deaf kids. and work in the theater.


(Um.----->  THIS.)


I would say to high school me...

 GIRL. you will not believe what you will be doing YEARS from now.

You are going to try and survive by making things. And it'll look real ugly in the first week.
(That last day of your office job, you'll tear up in the bread aisle at Kroger when you realize you are buying the narrow loaf with 2000 slices for a long time.) and you will panic on a normal basis.


But, you are going to find some real serious amazing projects. So don't worry.


I think it gets even better.

And I haven't seen it. but

It has to.

Because.















You keep going.


_____________________________