My life as a 47 year old man. - Disclaimer: generalizations galore ahead.

I guess let's start with this.

And how excited I get walking into one of these on a weekend. When the opportunities are endless.

and you I think,

Maybe I do need to look at 500 door knobs at once!

and

Dont I need a hinge?

Dont I need 8579345823 hinges?!?!!

Should I build those shelves I have always wanted? or replace every drawer pull I own?

or paint my room lavender? with cream trim and faux wallpaper up the side of the door?

It is a toystore.

With one too many workers.

__________

No, I am totally Ok with all the help. I think it is fab. 

In fact, I need you orange people to solve the ridiculous problems I have. 

And to cut the wood down in the lumber section.

But I am also aware of the thoughts the employees are having when they ask if I need help.

Because they say them.

BEST PHRASE EVER SAID:

"You sure are young to be buying lumber."

I have no idea what cracks me up more- that I do look 12 on occasion, or that age matters when buying lumber.

So I try to avoid too much ridiculousness if I am in a hurry. and honestly, it comes from other shoppers more than workers.

The second I walk in - I walk with purpose.

 I focus my eyes on the aisle I need and dodge the aproned characters with their names sharpied in on the blank printed line at the top.

But inevitably I get a lot of... "maam can I help you" and "is everything going ok?" and "do you know what you are looking for?"

Yes, I know what I am looking for.

AND SOMETIMES SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO BROWSE.

SOMETIMES THEY HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS IN THEIR HEAD AND WANT TO PRETEND THEY ARE GOING TO GET TO THEM ALL...today.

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This weekend, I thought it would be a good idea to count the times someone tried to help me compared to the length of time I was in the store.

I was in the store no longer than 10 minutes buying rope and tie downs for my truck. and I was asked if I needed help 6 times.

Do what you will with that information. It is a poll I thought was necessary to take. and report.

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Speaking of trucks... I have one. And if the hardware store isn't hilarious, driving this truck around is.

Look. He is smiling.

 I always knew when I bought a car it would be a truck.

I love them.

Other than the fact that I always knew this, it is the most practical vehicle for someone who carries props, puppets, sets, supplies, and other large objects.

Within the first week that I bought it, I had no idea how I lived without it.

Pre pickup, I had to rent trucks and cargo vans to move my work numerous times. 

When I take it into a shop, get the oil changed, or go to a drive through I'm pretty sure people think it's borrowed.

How do I know?

They say things.

Once in a drive through, a man hollered from a distance as he walked in the restaurant-

"You gotta make sure you turn wide in that."

(I have no idea why he said this other than he thought it was appropriate to yell out pointers to me.
I didn't turn short or anything. to this day I am baffled).

but in his defense, because of him, I do always think about turning wide. aha

Just this weekend the man working the drive through said, "Oh, we're a big truck driver now"

WHAT?! Ahaha.?!!! "um.yeah. can you give me a side of buffalo sauce too."

Anyways. This is what happens when your life parallels that of a middle aged man.

I'm not complaining. I just like to share.