August 31, 2011




I choked back tears this weekend as one of my best friends walked down the aisle 
toward the sweetest groom. 

They are two compassionate and selfless people.

It was touching.


There's a gravity to a wedding. 


This gravity. 
it slows things down. to the point that you hear more. see more. feel more.

Everyone stops their lives 
to sit and watch two people declare that they love each other. and will forever.

And I choked back tears when the bride got nervous because the music was starting.

and when I saw her groom at the front of the church with the biggest grin on his face. 

And when her dad saw her. and smiled.

There was a lot of love.

Love her so much.


And on the way home, I rode with another one of my best friends.  
over highways and roads that survived the weekend's hurricane. 

But when we stopped to refuel, gas stations were closed with no power. 

And by chance we were close to my dad's grave. So, I thought we could stop and visit for a second. 

See we don't live super close to where he is. which is neat. because driving there is a dear experience. 


We had to park way back near the highway and climb over the trunk of a great tree which fell and blocked the way to the cemetery.

And I was fine when we were there until I started pulling some weeds out and realized 

he was there long enough to have weeds. 

And that hurt my heart.

and my sweet friend stood calm. while my hands were dirty and tears ran under my sunglasses. 


But when we got in the car I started telling her about a conversation I had with my dad. 

How I worried he would miss out on things.

He said- no way.

"I will be there."

and all of a sudden. after staying very calm,

She let out a waterfall and we sobbed and laughed together for thirty minutes down the road. 


It may not seem like it. But it was wonderful. 

And soon we stopped for Cokes and Aleve. to help with our crying headaches.


And waiting in a 10 car line at the only gas pump for miles that had power post hurricane damage...
with swollen eyes. and a friend hunting for sodas. I cherished that second.


This is life.


and then yesterday, I found myself crying my eyes out in a pew. 

through really thin tissues that broke when you pulled them from the box.

At my friend's grandmother's funeral. 

It has always been clear to me that the important things in life are people. and love. 

and I cried and cried during the funeral because my friend's family was so hurt. 

but I was also crying at the beauty of it all. 

I know what it is like to have such heartache. 


But you can grab onto everything in that moment 
that is wonderfully rich 
and keep it in your pockets. 

And when someone is mean to you.
Or makes you feel little.
Or scares you.

You can grip what you have been collecting.

And you will be stronger.


There is not a single day that goes by without my dad in it.

And yet, there is mad pain when I can't touch him.

or talk to him.

But wow am I aware of the fragile precious life I have.

That was richer the moment my daddy died.

Because on the way out of my dad's funeral,  I bent down to sob and my brother grabbed me up and kissed me on the head.

and on the way out of the funeral yesterday, when my friend's grandfather crumpled, he was held up by his own daughter.

And it is clear.

That we are supposed to scoop each other up.

And be kind.


love is all there is. 



Sometimes I get dizzy in so many projects and directions that I have to flee back into my studio.

Where everything is better instantly.

and all manicures are ruined.

and I get back to why I even jumped in the first place.

to say what I feel moved to say.


5' x 6'  oil on canvas. hand built. $ 1100.00

ready for his forever home. 


Love is all there is.




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so share here if you would like. 
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Elisabeth said...

This post is beautiful amazing. I especially loved the part where you talked about the beauty of pain. I hold some of my most painful memories as my most dear because those are the moments were you are most raw, most vulnerable, most open - allowing someone to come in and fill that void and be there for you is so precious, so exquisite, I could cry right now at my desk just thinking about it (I'm at work).

Also. Your new piece is a stunner. Stunner.

Jessi and Nic said...

made me cry you.

Brenda said...

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

i love music. almost more than everything.