April 27, 2012

Be Glad.



TODAY IS MY DAD'S BIRTHDAY.




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He is precious to us. 
So today is too.

Every day is.

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And I am taking my show down today on his birthday. 

Which is fitting.

It is like a giant exhale. 

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But it is extremely painful to be without him. It is the worst. 
Sometimes it is ok to be really honest about that.
Because. He is NOT AROUND. 
And I mean - To Hug.
and To Talk With.

It is awful. 



I have a million questions to ask. and even today I reach to call him when something happens. 
I hope that instinct never goes away. And I dont think it will.


*

Good dads are supportive and attentive. 
My dad was GOOD.

He would bring home pamphlets from his conventions that applied to creativity. And sit on the bed and tell me about everything that was excellent and difficult and smart about design. and about going for it.

and about WHEN I did. and HOW I would get there.

So when I drive my truck to the studio from the gallery, 
looking at branches and flowers and puppets in the rearview mirror, it is quiet. 

in my heart.

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and I know he is so glad I am trying to make it.

But he is also probably freaking out about a lot of things too.


No. 

No he isn't.


I dont think you freak out after you die. 



I am pretty sure he is just smiling. 

with capers. 

And hot sauce.


and a really good book/ watching something with Angela Lansbury.

He always read AND watched TV at the same time.


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My dad was really strong and brave and brilliant. 

I got the best one.


I just wish my dad, in his navy blue suit, would sit with me at this coffee shop.


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I am so blessed that he put everything he had into our lives.


I miss him during every glorious moment. and every scary one too. 
Good job Daddy. 

Love you.

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pssst. also, don't forget:




xo

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4 comments:

Rhonda said...

Happy Birthday to your Dad. I remember reading your post last year, it's been a year since I've found your blog? Holy smokes!! I know we all have different beliefs about life after death and I truly believe he IS right next to you. Especially when you really need him. He IS sitting next to you at that coffee shop. You CAN talk to him and he CAN hear you. Have a great day and get a cupcake in your Papa's honor!

Kelle said...

xoxo. I just love the way you talk about your dad. How very very proud he would be of who you are--your spirit, your enthusiasm, your motivation to chase every last rainbow in life.

And P.S. Your gallery post was so lovely. Wish I could have been there. Um, hi Dodgson.

Unknown said...

I dont think your dad would freak out about anything, especially you trying to make it Beebs. He is quite proud and encouraging your every move. Love you! and Happy Birthday to JoJo!

Nancy said...

Thinking about you;)

i love music. almost more than everything.