February 28, 2013

im happy. busy. and happy. and busy.

 I sometimes go missing. 


So here I am. WOOOOOOT.

knee deep in bread particles. 

and mad at the fact that my blog got off the end of a virtual retractable leash. which snapped backwards and hit me on the knuckles. 



(note. for your amusement. that The Little Mermaid is on my Pandora playlist. it may affect what I am writing. it also may affect whether or not I use a fork to brush my hair)


Being busy is an amazing thing. And here is why.

I left my day job so that I could accept more of the creative work coming my way. Because I am an artist. and I know that.



I  sometimes almost believe the world

Until I watch the Tony Awards. or see an amazing film. or read a book so excitedly that I can't sleep.

And for a second I think that it is possible to do this stuff for a living.


It is.

It is possible, but it is also a risk.

And while I was just feeling really anxious about deadlines. and commitments. and classes.

It hit me....

I am a working artist.

I am doing it.

And it is sometimes hard for me to accept a really great thing as the truth.


I am a working artist.

like. full time.
and for serious.

And I'm not naive. I know this may always feel temporary somewhere in my insides.
 because I have to keep up the pace and not rest on the side of the treadmill too long.

BUT for four seconds I want to do that silent scream and spinning dance in the hall where the professional people can't see me.

and I want to look up and smile at the fact that my dad is smiling with his mouth closed trying to hold a straight face at my gutsy moves.

and how I get in the car after meetings and shriek over the workload but also exhale and say. ok. there. theres something else.

Holy Cow.


Then I go to my studio and realize legit stuff is happening.

and sometimes that means wearing crazy stuff when people walk in.
How else can I try costumes out.

this is real. in my life.

many different things going on at once.

still working on this guy. he needs to get to his rehearsals soon...

and thanks to iced coffee. that should happen.

I will be back on here much more often. I just lost my sanity for a few seconds and remembered. that I don't necessarily have to be sane to do my job. 

and I realized.

that happy. includes being scared.


you get to choose it.

Do you have something to say?



February 12, 2013

i love music. almost more than everything.