sometimes being sad is very very close to being - happy.

There are moments in life that force you to be completely aware.

And I think many of them happen when irony is unavoidable. 

 when two "not-supposed-to-happen-at-the-same-time moments"
exist 

in the same piece of time.

____________________

Like leaving a birthday party with a piece of cake.

but eating it on the way to visit a friend.

who is dying.

_____________________

That's a kind of moment

that stops you.
_____________________

I worked with Martha for a while.

We were a generation apart, but we were friends for 800 reasons.

Like our shared love of reality TV, craft fairs, and seasonal chocolates stuck on the end of pretzel sticks.

(Ok. she made those.)

usually the chocolates were monster fingers.

and we would dial the phone with them.

see.


See why I needed her at the office.

_____________________

But she got sick.

****

___________________________

her gifts were always meaningful.

like sewing pins. with hearts on them.
because I love to sew.

__________

And she was one of those people who saved a comic from the paper when it applied to you. 

I think that sort of person is one of the kindest in the world. 

because even though they just woke up. brewed their coffee. and poured milk on their cereal.

they aren't worried it will get soggy... they stop and get out some scissors and cut the comic out.

and then tape it to your cube secretly.

She was one of those. 

____________________________

Martha kicked me out of the office.

well...she pushed me out forcefully.

with a big white vase of purple flowers.

But before she succeeded in getting rid of me.

She would see something I was working on and say -

you need to be making art. Go do it.

Get out of here.

and

Go for it.

_____________________________________

As she got sicker.

I visited with her...

and I had visions of her dying with a beautiful giant blanket I made. With all of her favorite things on it.  

But sometimes. you have no control. 

Scratch that. 

All the time. you have no control.

(I am finding this out. constantly.)

and all you can do is be there for someone.

_______________________________________________


And I am very thankful that I was called that day.
and left that birthday party with a piece of cake.
to go see her.

because birthdays are blessings.

and so are friends.

and even though it seems super sad.

and like a super horrible irony.

I am confident that sad... is the closest thing to happy.



Because I have yet to feel sad
without an attachment to some sort of happy.

I was blessed to be friends with Martha. still am.

lucky me.

and to be there with someone you care about. two hours before they die.

That is a big life moment.

******

and I am interested in big life moments.

Always.
________________________________________________

 So thank you Martha. For your streamers. and your jazzy wardrobe bling. and for asking me every day if I saw Dancing With The Stars last night. Because even though I was stressed and sleep deprived, you never stopped being good to me. never stopped being interested. and never stopped telling me -

Get out of here.

You need to be making art.

___________________________________

From the beginning you said to me
"I'm taking this whole thing as a challenge."

and
You did.

Your strength and grace are examples that I will never forget.

____________________________________________________

I will also never forget your love for Adam Lambert. 

And the fact that you not only went to his concert and stood the entire time. 

but 

you wore black skinny jeans. boots. and bought the tour shirt.

Girl, his voice is butter and I will continue to preach on for the both of us!

______________________________________________________

Consider this a giant hug.